Will Arnett's Exes Ranked By How Much I Think About Them

It's a lot.

A coworker recently asked if I knew about Will Arnett’s current partner, Alessandra Brawn, the ex-Vogue staffer who was once married to a New York restaurateur. I don’t know, do I know that she once owned a vintage t-shirt brand? And that she once said that she tries to know a song from every band that she sells a t-shirt of? I don’t know, do I know that she shares a son named Nash with that restaurateur ex-husband? I don’t know, do I know that that restaurateur ex-husband once posted a photo of said son with a Black babydoll on Instagram with the caption, “This child will grow up ANTI Racism.” I don’t know, do I know about that one scene from the Max docuseries Smartless, where Will and Alessandra and Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes and Jason’s wife are all in a SUV together and Alessandra and Jason are so small that they are sharing a seat and when a stranger comes up to their car to complain to them about their recent live recording of the Smartless podcast, Alessandra laughs while everyone else has a scowl on their face? I don’t know, do I?

In 2012, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler announced they were separating after nine years of marriage. Sometime after that, Will went to Turkey and got more hair (allegedly) and soon it became every young white woman with blonde hair and light eyes in Hollywood’s problem. So young that in 2016, Will’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles co-star Megan Fox publicly roasted him for it.

And Alessandra is just the latest (and possibly last) in the long list of beautiful blondes (OK, there is one brunette) with light eyes who Will dated post-divorce. I think about each and every one of them weekly and here they are ranked by how much time they spend in my mind.

6. Katie Lee (August 2013 - December 2013)

I honestly never think about this Will Arnett ex-girlfriend and I would go as far as to say I forgot about her until 10 minutes ago when I Googled “will arnett dating history.” She is apparently a “celebrity chef” and was also once married to Billy Joel (yet she’s not Christie Brinkley). Ok!! She doesn’t fit the mold of a Will Arnett ex-girlfriend because she has dark hair and dark eyes, so maybe that’s why I forgot about her. According to US Weekly, Will and Katie didn’t work out because they live on opposite coasts. I wish her the best.

5. Erin David (December 2013 - December 2013)

After Will and Katie broke up, Will started dating Erin David, who is blonde and a producer (of movies and TV). I know about her because one time Will and Erin were seen at a hockey game together and she looked incredibly bored.

In 2013, US Weekly wrote, “[Erin] produced one of the shows or a film he was in. She produced a lot of Lorne Michaels stuff.”

According to imdB, Erin has produced four movies, one of which was Hot Rod, which Will was in. According to US Weekly, Erin was a producer on Up All Night, that TV show Will starred in with Christina Applegate. I truly believe they went on maybe two dates, one of which was Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s holiday party.

4. Penelope Ann Miller (1994 - 1995)

She was his first wife. They were married from December 1994 to January 1995. She recently played Nancy Reagan in the movie Reagan with Dennis Quaid. What does she know.

3. Arielle Vandenberg (January 2015 - June 2015)

Daily Mail described her as a “budding actress,” but really she’s an ex-Vine star who was once the host of Love Island and now she has a line of lip glosses. If there was ever a Will Arnett relationship to keep me up at night, it’s this one. How did these two meet? Do you think one of Will’s sons was watching Vine when Will caught a glimpse of a beautiful green-eyed comedienne named Arielle and he just had to meet her? Or do you think the more logical explanation and they probably just met through their mutual friend, Aaron Paul?

It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Will took Arielle (or maybe Arielle took Will) to The Weinstein Company and Netflix’s Golden Globes After Party, where she had to make conversation with Ricky Gervais, in 2015, the same year Will’s ex-wife Amy Poehler hosted the award show. I don’t know if the two are related or it just so happened that Will brought his new hot girlfriend who was 16 years his junior to an afterparty of a show his ex-wife was hosting. I don’t know!

If that weren’t enough to make me toss and turn for the last 10 years, then the photo of the two of them at a hockey game kissing each other while both of them are looking away certainly is. It haunts me. They broke up four months later.

2. Elizabeth Law (September 2016 - at least July 2017)

By far the chicest and coolest of the Will Arnett ex-girlfriends is Elizabeth Law, who goes by Law. She’s an interior designer and one time in 2017 she and Will were arriving at LAX when paparazzi caught them. In the paparazzi video, Will is refusing to audibly communicate with the paparazzi; instead he communicates with via hand gestures. Law — ugh, what a cool name. Law — is off to the side, trying not to be seen, but I see her. Trust me, I see her. She is wearing an impossibly chic outfit. A simple white tee with a jean jacket paired with black skinny jeans and Gucci loafers. Will is actually wearing the same outfit, but she’s the star.

A few months into their relationship, Will took Law to the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty in 2017. She looked great. But so did he. He peaked in 2017, meaning Law got the best of Will.

Will also took her to Jason Bateman’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star unveiling. She sat front row right between Will and Jennifer Aniston. I cringe thinking about a beautiful 30-year-old interior designer named Law having to participate in something so corny.

Will and Law never announced their break-up. Maybe because she was too busy decorating her effortlessly chic Spanish-style Hollywood Hills home, but regardless, we don’t know for sure when their relationship ended. Gossip sites never caught up because in 2019, they identified Alessandra as Law. But the truth is, no one could ever be Law.

1. Amy Poehler (2000 - 2016)

And of course, what is a list of Will Arnett exes without mentioning Amy Poehler? Do I think of Amy Poehler often? Only every day. I truly believe in 50 years, she will be seen as her generation’s Lucille Ball. Amy and Will have been tight-lipped on their separation and divorce. All we really know is that Will cried for an hour (ok?) one time over the divorce and that Amy wrote in memoir, YES A MEMOIR, THE THING WHERE YOU REVEAL THINGS, that she didn’t want to talk about the divorce. Well, ok, then!